The main needs of each of us have its own. Those who satisfied them live with meaning and with pleasure. Learn and you more accurately determine what you need.
Each of us in our own way produces priorities depending on our personal characteristics or personal history. But sometimes we ignore our deep desires. If you experience an acute or vague feeling of dissatisfaction, then your needs are unclear or they are suppressed by fears and erroneous ideas about yourself.
Coach Maria Makarushkina has been working with businessmen and politicians for 15 years. “Many men and women live their life on autopilot, which can neither turn off nor reprogramming,” says the coach. – Sometimes this happens because they once said “no” to their true desires, but most often because they simply did not have the courage to tell them “yes” ”.
The art therapist Varvara Sidorov agrees with this: “As soon as we move away from our true values, suppress our needs, we open the doors with disappointment and apathy. A long absence of contact with you can even lead to depression. “.
System Family Psychotherapist Inna Khamitova notes that the loss of landmarks happens inside the couple. Therefore, often the arrangement of priorities has to be done together.
Personologist and transaction analyst Vadim Petrovsky, specializing in working relations, adds that “demotivation in the profession indicates insufficient attention to his personal needs. And only if we manage to determine them, we can finally get up at the helm and direct our life in the right direction. “.
Based on these provisions, we offer you four exercises created by our four experts that will allow you to determine your priorities.
Cognition of oneself. Write your desires
Think about what you want now, and write down the first thing that comes to mind.
Maria Makarushkina is sure that the word “yes” is the main driving power of our life scenario. It is important to say “yes” to your dreams, ambitions and voice of intuition. It is important to listen to oneself. She offers to perform a simple exercise that will inspire you to further actions and help you understand confusing thoughts and desires.
Exercise
Take a sheet of paper and sign it “My main desires”. Then fill out this list:
Key word number 1
Key word number 2
Key word number 3
Key word number 4
Key word number 5
To do this, relax and think about your most basic needs: self -realization, relationships with a partner, work, family, your lifestyle … Do not try to analyze what comes to your mind, do not evaluate your thoughts, but listen to yourself.
Then, with the help of a keyword (for example, “sea”, “position”), write down every desire in the order that seems to you the most suitable. These words will become guidelines for further life and will help you in making any subsequent decisions.
Relations in a couple. Review your love relationship
“The couple is a changeable structure,” Inna Khamitova explains. – even if its foundation is said, the rest of this structure requires constant repair and completion. This, in fact, is the charm of relations in a pair, but the same reason for their instability. “. That is why it is so important to discuss the situation that has developed in pairs if signs of boredom and dissatisfaction began to arise.
1. Time to listen to yourself
Ask yourself a few questions and write down the answers. What today is not enough your relationship: time, signs of attention, desire, surprise? What important you have lost over the years of life together? When the last time you were good together? What are you doing for a relationship? When you decide on your wishes for the future for your couple, share your thoughts with a partner.
2. Time to listen to each other
Choose the moment when you both be calm and relaxed, and ask your partner if he is ready to listen to you. Having received his consent, start a conversation with the story that it seems to you the most pleasant in your relationship, which pleases you most. Then name everything that you lack, while emphasizing that we are talking about your personal expectations. Use only the pronouns “I” and “to me” (and not “you”). Finally, ask your partner to think over your words and invite him to talk about this again later, when
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he himself comes to some conclusions.
3. Time to share your thoughts
When each of the two tells what he expects from the relationship, try to figure out together how to satisfy these desires. But you do not have to immediately come to the decision, do not drive yourself and a partner – everyone has the right to their rhythm.
4. Time to summarize the first results
Whether your relationship has improved? Did you have the feeling that you were heard? What else can you do to make you better together? The purpose of this exercise is not to notice the misses of the other and list all the failures and omissions, but to work together on relationships and accept new obligations to each other in the future.
Job. Determine your unconscious attitudes
You feel the need for recognition, it is difficult for you to say no, you cannot rationally use your time?
“Transact analysis shows that at work, each of us is controlled by certain internal“ drivers ”,” says Vadim Petrovsky. There are five such attitudes, and in most cases one or two of them determine our reactions and actions. If it is possible to determine what they are, then their influence is noticeably weakening. And then you can enjoy your work.
Installation “Be perfection”
Makes us pay close attention to details and prevents us from going to the risk. It leads to anxiety, the formation of a protective position and the extinguishing before the leadership.
Your task: Learn to go for a thoughtful risk.
Installation “Try”
Leads to the fact that the concepts of “work” and “work hard” become synonyms, and the pleasure of working and ease of achieving the results seem unacceptable. She gives rise to a sacrificial attitude to work and leads to burnout.
Your task: learn to distribute responsibilities and choose what you are most successful.
Installation “Rejoice others”
Leads to dependence on other people whose interests ultimately turn out to be more important than their own. It forms the position of submission, causes frustration (due to unspoken anger) and does not allow to advance.
Your task: learn to say no (exorbitant loads) and say “yes” (your own pleasure).
Installation “Be strong”
Leads real Stoics who are ready, gritting teeth, move in a given direction. She forms the behavior of the Tephlon type (“from me like a goose of water”), which the chefs-terans and shameless colleagues really like.
Your task: listen to your feelings (emotions and desires) and openly declare your rights.
Installation “Hurry!”
Characteristic of anxious natures that are difficult to concentrate. The thought that they spend time in vain, they are horrified. This installation negatively affects self-esteem and does not allow success due to lack of concentration and perseverance.
Your task: Slow down the pace and calmly assess the situation, having decided on your desires and skills.
Creation. Create an album of your talents
According to Varvara Sidorova, “something of us brings joy: hobbies, communication, friends, travel, training and development, beloved animal, drawing, dancing, or maybe you like to restore order, think logically or walk alone”.
Creative abilities are hidden in each, and it is important to learn how to see and develop them. When we-out of ignorance or due to uncertainty-do not use them, we feel the void inside ourselves and complain about the lack of motivation. And when we realize our talents, on the contrary, meaning returns to life, and our self -esteem increases. Here is a simple exercise that will allow you to identify your abilities.
Exercise
Highlight yourself a free day or evening. Put a pleasant music, try so that nothing distracts you. Take a notebook or album, pen, pencils. Prepare what will help you think about your past: a notebook, photo album, letters, postcards, souvenirs … Old magazines, scissors and glue will also come in handy for someone.
Relax and go in search that episode of your life when you experienced strong positive emotions (pride, joy, pleasure). These are not necessarily the moments of the triumph – maybe you were pleased with the walking through the forest or preparing dinner.
List all these points And mark the general between them: I entertained the company (played on a flute, gave advice to a friend). Stick a photo, letter or picture in the album, which symbolize each of these points. Or make a sketch.
Determine, Which of your abilities in each of cases gave you pleasure.
Think, how in everyday life you could realize and develop these abilities.
Write down in a notebook, that you give yourself a promise to use your talents regularly.